A Deadly Giant, A Ticking Time Bomb & 5 Things Every Parent Should Know About Loss

It’s staggering to learn that nearly 1 in 3 pregnancies in the US ends in loss*. Did you know that? According to recent statistics, approximately 2 million babies are lost every year out of about 6 million. Frankly, most people don’t give it too much thought. You’re mostly not supposed to talk about it – are you? I sure didn’t used to. Just forget it and move on for goodness’ sake.

But for me, our son Nathan changed everything.

I’m definitely not a ’cause’ type person by nature. You don’t see me out there rallying with my clever sign, forwarding radical emails and lobbying to get everyone to sign on to this or that. And I don’t intend to start now. However, my hope is that by sharing from the heart now and then, albeit unconventionally – whether it be The Story of Nathan, or some other way, the value of each precious human life rises in your eyes.

I include yours without apology.

So just how do nearly 2 million pregnancies end in loss? The majority (60%) are through termination (abortion), yet the next most (30%) are lost through miscarriage. Then there are those lost through ectopic (abnormally placed) pregnancy, stillbirth  and molar pregnancy (degeneration).

What’s any of that got to do with you, especially if you have never personally encountered any of these things? That’s a good question. But let’s focus on the millions who have been affected by one or more losses. Besides, it’s about a third of the population and someone you know WELL has been dramatically affected, trust me. (When we started sharing the Story of Nathan, one of the most amazing things has been the way people start to share their own stories. Dozens and dozens and dozens have contacted us to relay their own experiences from as far back as over 40 years ago. Some had barely told a soul, yet many still felt pain sharing.)

Frequently, those touched by one of these situations aren’t sure how to handle it. We weren’t. Our loss was so unexpected, so horrific, what were we to do? Suddenly we were firsthand witnesses of a tragic event (full term stillbirth) that would forever alter our lives.

But the reality is that somewhere in the US it’s happening to someone, in fact many, right now.

Often loss doesn’t set in right away. Some who have terminated one, or even multiple pregnancies, later come to believe that in fact the fetus was a person with a destiny and a soul. When that belief hits them, they are usually  overcome with grief, at least temporarily. So wouldn’t it be easier and better to not think like that?

Here’s what one of the nurses told us about the medical team, parents and families they interact with almost daily: NO ONE seems to know how to handle it right off, emotionally or spiritually. Some just discard the life as if it never was one and go out for tea and scones, laughing and joking as if it’s just another day. Others rush to bury the memory so fast they later regret how they handled it. Others grieve so deeply they seem to never get past the loss. Still others cope in numerous different ways. We’ve heard all kinds. I’m not here to tell you what’s best. However, many approaches leave pain and unanswered questions growing hurt somewhere deep inside, which is still waiting to explode one day.

Questions flood your mind. I mean, if you have a miscarriage or stillborn, are you supposed to have a funeral? Well what if the child was less than 20 weeks? Less than 10 weeks? Do you remember them on their birthday? How? Was there anything that could have been done differently? Was the whole thing a mistake? Why did this happen to me? Surely there couldn’t be a God if He would let my child die. Am I a bad person?

I know there are lots of questions, because I’ve had many of them myself. But rather than go on in more detail as may seem fitting, I simply want to leave you with this:

  1. I want you to know that each and every child past conception is a tremendously valuable life – just like yours.
  2. I want you to know that if you have lost a child, intentionally or otherwise, it’s going to be okay, and if you follow the Way to heaven you will see them again.
  3. I want you to know that life is a precious opportunity, your destiny is amazing and your future can unfold in a brave new direction if you are willing to step into it.
  4. I want you to know that a deadly Giant roams about trying to steal precious lives and convince people life has little value – and – one day this Giant will fall.
  5. I want you to know that if you have unresolved hurt concerning loss it’s healing to share and you’ll help others while you’re at it.
* Source: http://www.americanpregnancy.org
This entry was posted in Abortion, Coping With Loss, Destiny, Miscarriage, Nathan, Stillbirth, Stillborn and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

7 Responses to A Deadly Giant, A Ticking Time Bomb & 5 Things Every Parent Should Know About Loss

  1. Melody McCulley says:

    Thank you for your Post Rick. You are right. I have been one of those who had several abortions, giving the act little thought. Then, one day, a couple of years after I gave my life to Christ, it hit me and it hit me hard. The word ‘abortion’ was tormenting to me. I couldn’t say it. I was suicidal and didn’t know how to handle the realization that I killed 5 babies. The Lord led me to the white pages and I found a familiar name “Lifeline”. It was a sign that I passed many times on the way to work. It is a Pregnancy Center with counselors who save the lost and preach the Good News to the poor. They and God helped me with the healing process and now I volunteer there as a counselor.
    The story behind the abortions is intense and appears to help others ‘rethink’ their ideas that have been form by the media, health care providers, secrets, and misinformation and the lack of Truth about the beginning of humanity…the lies we have all been told. So, let’s keep telling our stories!
    Thank you, and to God be the Glory.

    • rickh says:


      What a tremendous testimony of God’s redemptive power at work in your life. Thank you for sharing a little about what you have been through. May it continue to touch lives and even save some.

      Amazing how you ended up serving as a counselor! I just love it.


  2. Michele Lewis says:

    Thanks for posting Rick! God bless you and Jennifer! I pray for you and Jen and I am thankful that you two have turned your mourning into a beautiful story and that by sharing Nathan’s story many women (and men) will experience the healing power of Jesus.

    I’ve never shared this whole story, but it is time. I had Simone at 16 against the advice of most everyone and I can’t imagine the world without her! One of the best choices I ever made. I soon got married, things were good, and I was excited to be pregnant with twins, at 19 years old. But then my water broke at 24 weeks. It was a devastating loss of two sons, Tristan and Traye. When I left the hospital alone I just sucked it up and didn’t cry about it anymore. My husband and I divorced and I chose to go the way of the world and I got pregnant by a boyfriend not even a year after the loss of my boys. I had an abortion then another one in the same year. So here I was 21 years old with a beautiful girl and 4 children in heaven with Jesus!Finally at 25 I rededicated my life to the Lord and like Melody, the reality of what I had done was overwhelming! I went to a women’s conference and I was weeping about my horrible decisions. A woman came up to me and said, with the gentle powerful voice of the Lord, “Daughter, You are forgiven, you are forgiven, you are forgiven.” I had never before felt the cleansing power of Jesus like I did that day! I can’t say the I never feel the grief of the loss of my children, but the grace and mercy of God certainly does buffer that pain. I later married again and had the most amazing little boy, Alexander! Three years later I miscarried and was devastated by the loss another child. I have experienced Jehovah God, my redeemer and savior; El Shaddai, the almighty breasted one; Jehovah Nissi, my defense with the enemy rages against me to bring up the past; Jehovah Rophe, my healer; Jehovah Shalom, my peace… I could go on forever about His love and faithfulness. Can you believe that I have 7 children!! Wow! I can’t wait to be in the presence of Jesus with all of them! His mercy endures forever! I am working on my degree in counseling and my prayer is that through my work and daily life I will be blessed to show women the love of Christ and his redemptive nature! God Bless!

    • rickh says:

      Oh Michele. My heart breaks for you. When I read the names of your boys, Tristan & Traye, something hit me immediately. Yes they are with the Lord, but still such great losses here, as with each of your others.

      It is just like the Lord to work His redemptive love through it all, and so good to know you are forging ahead despite bumps in the road. Thank you so much for sharing and may the Holy Spirit touch you as only He can, even now.

      Lord, open great doors for Michele to touch lives through counseling. The crazy thing is, so many people experience loss and tragedy without knowing the love of God at all – perhaps it’s a touch point for you…


    • Jen says:

      Michelle and Melody,
      Wow. Tears flow down my cheeks. I so look forward to gazing into your babies eyes in heaven someday. They are so loved. Blessings to both of you.

  3. melanie york smith says:

    Love to the Hubbell’s and the beautiful ladies that told their stories. I have had 3 miscarriages… after the 3 rd…. it felt like a landscape that I had come to know all too well! I cry for those babies so often! I imagine what they would have looked like, what they would have become…..From the moment I found out that I was pregnant- all I could imagine was holding them in my arms! I am so comforted by knowing that in Heaven- I will get that chance! I can add to the other thoughts shared- and while I am not striving to counsel for a profession… I was able to provide comfort to many friends who lost pregnancies after me…I am so thankful that from my loss…. I was able to help others! My faith has been strengthened throughout it all… and that brings me tremendous joy! God bless you all! xo

    • rickh says:

      Hi Mel,

      What an honor to hear from you here in this arena. I love this part in what you said:

      From the moment I found out that I was pregnant- all I could imagine was holding them in my arms!

      That is such a great picture of the hope, and even timing of when it unfolds, that each mother should have. I am deeply sorry for your losses and glad you have allowed yourself to grow through them – and even reach out a helping hand to others in the process. Sometimes the ‘counsel’ from friends just being friends is the best. It takes all kinds of wisdom and support to forge ahead and help others do the same.

      Thanks so much for sharing.


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